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buhay · med
ramblings of a workaholic
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I discharged my first patient last week. Stage IV cholangiocarcinoma admitted due to pneumonia and pleural effusion. Due to difficulty of breathing, she's on O2 ventilation.
I guess for the two days I spent with her, she got attached to me. She called me "anak" and even wanted to see me in the future. Maybe it's because she shared a lot of personal things with me - family, her health, her aspirations and fears.
Truth be told, it bothered me how much she believed that she was still going to be well despite her sickness. When i asked her how she saw her illness, how she defined it, i was a little taken aback when she said that it was just a normal disease - a common one among peers and family. She wasn't ready to accept her prognosis despite the fact that she's jaundiced, was too weak that she couldn't even stand up and walk, not even capable of caring for herself, and, had trouble at the simple act of breathing.
She was discharged better but her family doesn't have money for the proper antibiotics to continue treatment.
My patient was dying. At most she has 3 months to live, if the infection can be fought (but considering her financial and physical state, it would be hard).
I disharged my dying patient and what came to my mind is how lame and inept the health system here is. The Filipino people are suffering because they are deprived of a necessity that's supposed to be given freely - health, as it a right rather than a commodity...
- to be continued -- *antok na ko... 2 am na, endorsements at 7am... |
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hi blog i missed you. I'm in MSD right now, surfing and doing EBM what-nots.
My first rotation for clerkship is Family and COmmunity medicine. The rotation is divided into 3: hospice and palliative care; ambulatory care and community. We're decked at the hospice rotation for two weeks and it's so benign!!! The fellow and residents don't really know what we're supposed to do there and requirements just keep popping up like mushrooms! labo meyn! Nakakaloka pa ang EBM sessions nila (haha, see for yourself... alam na ng naka-rotate dun ang process. heehee)
Anyway, despite the benign-ity of hospice, I've got to admit that there are some heavy things you'd have to deal with - conversing with dying patients about their life plans, the thought of a patient coding anytime, dealing with family members who don't seem to agree on stuff, patients really sharing personal things with you... The thing I hate the most is when the consultants ask us how long a patient would last. We'd be forced to prognosticate our Stage 4 Cancer patient with lots of complications and the answer would be between a few days to a max of 6 months. Basta. Uncomfy lang for me.
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When I think about it, it's been a while since I've been in a serious relationship. It's funny how PM fit into my life. *cheese*
I love you, pong =)
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hay. i don't like idle time talaga. |
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by accident, nabura ko lahat ng OCEP files ko. haha. must be in the stars. I have to retype some things but i don't feel bad about it. hehe =) |
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weird yung dalwang recent na magkasunod na entries... contrasting things, hahaha... but well, life is really full of surprises. basta, masaya ako =) |
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got denied (again). *hay* poor daw kami. syet na mga yan! owel, at least am happy. i really really really am. to those who still don't know: kami na ni PM since tuesday, 2am. masaya talaga ako. super saya... |
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naloka ako! "mtm" daw ang dash ko! non-existent lovelife nga ako e! =( |
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this time i'm not being hypochondriac... 5 people have already palpated and confirmed that i do have an abdominal mass - firm, nodular, currently non-tender at the hypogastric area. i'm tempted to put some more medical hullabaloo but i'm saving it fot the doctor i'm consulting... impression: AP mass t/c uterine vs GU vs GI pathology
(not much help, huh?) i dunno if the epigastric pain and the symptoms i felt 4 weeks ago are connected with this, if they are, then i'm stumped... no constitutional symptoms (not yet anyway) so let us hope that it is not something malignant... (hmmm.... but some weight loss could be nice, hahahaha) i guess it's time to do the work-up i've been delaying for a while now... *hay* |
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paano maipapaliwanag
gayak hatid ng pagdamay sa iba?
samantalang sa sariling kasawian,
hindi malabanan pagtanggap sa kahinaan,
siyang tanging alwanan lamang
mga luhang tahimik na saksi sa kabiguan... |
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(1) no pain, no gain. sige, magpanggap ka pa! - while doing crunches at the gym (yes, i'm trying it out) (2) it's been a while since i've seen a sunrise - while thinking of the upcoming puerto trip (yebah!) (3) i'm bad at dates but sige - ahahaha. eto ang winner... habang "binubugaw" ako ng isang taong close sa akin. (4) what i'm feeling poisons me. i hurt inside. - yes, while in a phase of really slow bowel movement (apparently, i don't fear appearing gross. afterall, i am a med student) (5) sir, i love you na!!!!!!! - said this at a really nerdy yet attractive and kind and really wonderful *saying all these with stars in my eyes* resident's back. --- oh yeah, i dreamed about isagani. he was running amok demanding for an explanation. wala na 'to! hinabol na ako ng konsensiya ko. sinabi ko naman kasing lumayo na siya e, i hurt people. -- visa interview on the 22nd. Wish me luck, friends!!!! |
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it's been a while since i felt everything slow down again...
coffee and music. i missed this. *sigh* |
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i wept. hindi lang sa stress ng araw kundi dahil rin sa lahat lahat ng nangyari sa mga nakaraang linggo. sa loob ng 10 segundong iyon, kahit papaano'y nabawasan ang bigat ng loob ko.
patapos na med. hay. shet. di pa ko tapos mag-aral. (ah! to hell with it!) assess ko na lang natutunan ko =)
contrary to what other people might think, hindi ako go-getter. promise. haha, di bale na...
pahaboL: at dahil sa stressed na ako, at wala na akong energy na makipagplastikan, eto na... naiinis ako sa mga taong kumukuha ng credit sa pinaghirapan ng iba. ayoko sa mga taong malakas ang loob humarap sa mga tao as if may effort talaga sila! nakakaasar yung mga taong reklamo ng reklamo, comment ng comment sa mga bagay na akala mo naman nag-exert sila ng effort. normally, mapagpasensiya naman ako e, i don't mind making "salo" other people (hay! how konyotik!) pet peeve ko deadline, dahil ayoko na ng last-minute stuff. SHET! DI KA TALAGA NATUTUTO!!! once in a while pero OA ang dependence mo! bilib rin ako sa'yo teng! ang masasabi ko lang - BULLSH*T KA! ANG KAPAL NG MUKHA MO! BASTOS KA NA NGA, IRESPONSABLE KA PA! and i'm not saying this for me lang ha, sinasabi ko ito para sa lahat ng na-agrabyado mo! PAKSH*T! p.s. wag ka ding ma-feeling, PLEASE LANG (you're not that good-looking)!
(hehe, ang sarap!)
wala akong sasabihing pangalan, matamaan na ang matatamaan!
hay. once in a blue moon lang ako magmo-morph ng ganito... ahahahahaha.... |
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muling nagbalik sa lugar na busog sa pagpapahalaga ng kalangitan at mga tala sa paglilimi muling sadyain
ang ikinubling damdamin
na minsan ring nagpahalina sa musika
na tanging anyaya ang subukang muli
ang pag-indak sa kanyang saliw umusad ang panahon,
pinagsumikapang burahin ang mga alaala
ng karupukang sinaksihan ng damuhan sa kadiliman umaapuhap,
pinipilit pakahawakan
ang minsan nang pinanindigan,
nilalabanan ang dulog ng hanging
sumuko na lang .. --- hahaha, after a really long time, nakasulat ako uli! =) hehe, at hindi ito dahil sa stress sa med :P |
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since people are talking about the "flirting with finesse" talk of Dr. Dionisio, here are my non-negotiables:
- one-woman man (self-explanatory)
- no figures but i want a professional, a college graduate with a decent & honest job who could sustain a comfortable (family) life
- i want someone with a sense of purpose and self-betterment, someone with goals and priorities, a dreamer and a worker at the same time.
- i need someone who knows how to live (even though this might awfully sound vague). i need someone with a sense of adventure, someone unafraid to try new things & go places.
- someone who knows how to value family. i want him to be a good father, a good husband, brother/son-in-law. he should know how to get along with my family =)
- romantic and passionate. i don't really need public displays of affection but we would intimate with and passionate about each other. i want someone comfortable expressing his feelings.
- i want someone who could be a friend to me.
- a good conversationalist is high up in the list too (for he will never bore me) sharing the same opinions doesn't really matter, he should be able to have his own view on things.
- emotionally stable. no psychos please.
... to be continued...
hahaha. just for detox.
anyway, i think i'll be part of the majority of lady doctors who end up being members of the atretic follicle society. =D
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hay, med pa din... |
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person A: "wish i could be the one, the one who could give you love, the kind of love you really need...
...you need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you, promise you forever, that's something i can't do..." person B: "...thank you for shedding life to my fantasy...
....like a spiral staircase, down i go, losing every step... " here i go again, cherishing every crumb of happiness the heavens throw at me, embracing every precious moment that comes my way. wahehehe. isa lang dapat kong panindigan - NO REGRETS =) |
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okay, this is gonna be short and sweet: - be more assertive
- designate
- remove all baggages from the past
- try my best to be fair (thus, more monsterly - according to a really good friend)
- play more sports
- learn, not just study there. go go 2007! |
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i'm a big fan of fairness but here i am, preparing myself to tread the path of fraudulence to myself and another person. yes people, i am judging my self-righteous ass. and i don't know if this is good: there's a deadline. --- there are times when i hate vacations. time slows down and suddenly i find myself alone and bored, to the pushed to point of pondering and contemplating on current events in my life. when this happens, my tendency to over-intellectualize goes overboard and then i go poison my mind with things and scenarios that get the better of me. --- haha. gusto ko lang i-"verbalize". =) |
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2 important things "you" have to do now: 1) convince me that whatever i'm feeling can be called love 2) earn my trust 2 confessions i have to make about "you":
1) you're slowly winning me over (yes, i am eating my words)
2) i'm growing fond of you already 2 rants i just have to air out:
1) if you accept responsibility, be sure you fulfill it.
2) i just hate it when people get credit for the work other people do. urgh!!!!!! (disclaimer: hindi ako ito, nagagalit ako for the people) 2 things i'm thankful for
1) people who care, those who don't ditch you despite everything
2) people i care about - they keep me going uwing uwi na ko!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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random ramblings:
- i'm so glad trp is over
- urgh. allergic rhinitis plus pedia ER = a really bad upper respiratory tract infection
- okay, so i'm really enjoying being loved right now...
- ... and calling the shots, of course...
- tama si anna, matanda na nga ako. wehehehe.
- i wanna go home!!! =( |
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i think my supraconscious mind has been swayed by the power of suggestion. kasabot nako konti lang uy! hehe... gursh, benign ng pedia... *sigh* |
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